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P33ish043: Don't You Just Love That Planned Life

This will be short: I'm just trynna get some group therapy out here. 

Does anyone else feel guilty-ish when they see people post stuff on social media: like how they get some work-out in every morning before anything; or how they apply fermented rice water to their edges every night before bed; or how they apply some concoction on their face for fifteen minutes before shower every morning and/or night; or how they pray/read their bible at a certain time every day; or how their toddlers have an actual study/siesta/bedtime...? Because I do! I feel guilty, 'cause... Pfft! Your life doesn't get more together than that! I mean, have a time for everything and actually make it five times out of seven?? Yes, I'll take a bowl of that, please!! But...sigh.


Like, it embarrasses the heck out of me sometimes 'cause you already can bet it's a fail with me if it has to be done at certain times of every day without fail: before shower, before bed, after shower, in-between sex, ugh! Don't matter if it's morning or night, the thought of it alone is where I get tired and you can ask my edges. And my acne. And my bread+sardines pregnancy. I suck at routines. I literally can have a bottle of some magic hair oil or face cleanser for a year and it still wouldn't have been used halfway. And no matter how much I try — because seriously, how hard can it be?! — I lose rhythm at three days, max: as my dusty tummy trimmer can attest to; hell, my neighbors see more of that piece of equipment than I do (lmao, I actually just remembered I own any such thing).

I couldn't even begin to tell you the kind of guilt that does me a high-five in the face when I see people, normal no-longer-living-with-the-parents people, post things like morning/night devotions. And I'll be like, God when? But thank for His mercies, 'cause I mean, imagine if folks went to hell for snoozing the wake-up-and-read alarm on their bible App?! Or do they? 😲 I am that person who wakes up some days and just gets going with a simple "thank you, Jesus," and some other days, I just know before I even open them eyes that I have to have a full blown revival before I step out of my room or go to bed; other days I don't even feel like praying, I just gotta grab a word and I'm good. But I don't think I have ever been able to make a diligent routine of it: like, ten minutes word, ten minutes worship, ten minutes prayer; that sort of thing, every morning/night, all week, all year. Lord have mercy. I wish I had that life, but I don't. And honestly, it's what makes me scoff at every other routine, cause I'm like, I haven't even been able to do the most important thing religiously for twelve weeks straight, it's now edges? Hehe. And don't even get me started on bedtime. I have not been that mom since my booboo could decide he was tired; I literally just go with the flow, school night or nah. Only time I stage an intervention is if he decides to not get tired after 10pm, lol.

I wish there was some deep-ish point to this particular post, but it honestly is just something I'm doing to ease probable future guilt because I just stopped by the gym close to my son's school to "make enquiries," for the third time in four months. And I want so badly to commit to it cause it's really not that hard. But although the spirit willeth, this here flesh knows the only way I am able to keep any such commitment is if I relocated to a place with a gym a few blocks away, or if I personally take my boy to school at least twice a week so I can drop by this gym but um...LMAO!

I'm already tired at the thought!!

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