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P33ish048: The Struggle With Anxiety, Me Against Myself


It is World Mental Health Week, and of all the personal experiences that got shared, this was the one that resonated with me the most. Because it puts exact words to some of those feelings that sometimes leave me crippled. Especially the part about how this clutter in your head/mind just keeps making a slippery mess of your law of attraction; mostly because I am a praying person and so I know how I would often find myself thinking I might need to go back and pray about that again 'cause the clutter literally seems to be waiting on me to get up off my knees and it's non-faith thoughts party up in there again; sometimes I even have to put up a physical fight to keep the walls up and the signals clear--just to get through certain moments. And it takes the help of the Holy Spirit to stay believing for answers to certain prayers because sometimes...I honestly just don't know. Please help me, Jesus.

I mean, thoughts that you can't control? Emotions that you can't stop and can't wriggle out of because of a thought that dropped in your mind that you had no say in? That inability to function outside of or see through the fog that these emotions have filled your atmosphere with because your mind went to a place you didn't send it, a place you wish it didn't but now have to struggle to get it back from? Scenarios that you didn't start out planning to create but are mind-trapped in nonetheless? 

It is a real fight and you won't grasp it if you've never caught yourself chasing your own darn mind all over the place, or ever had to have repeated heated conversations with your own self about who (of you) takes the floor today, or here. That's if you've never had to outright bind your own mind in the name of Jesus just so you can function in the here and right now. No, you are not demon-possessed; but it is a fight for your life nonetheless because it controls your energy and what signals you're sending out--and ultimately getting in return. It is a constant push and pull and it just is frustrating--when it's not crippling--because all the energy that should go into being productive could easily be sucked into keeping your mind in line; and you could just as easily be stuck trying to get your mind out of that ditch the whole day. And what's even more frustrating: tell your mind to not focus on the elephant, and suddenly everything in its line of sight is an elephant. Lord have mercy. 

Reminds me of Bishop T.D. Jakes saying in Grasping The Moment about how there's a constant war going on inside of  you between "good" and "evil" because you don't get to be YOU without a fight. That's it, that's the word.

If you send me an email on page33ish@gmail.com, I'd send you my personal sermons playlist for anxiety and depression. Yes, there is a word for this too; because even God cares that our signals be clear and our minds be right. So don't stop training your mind, don't stop fighting; don't let the darkness win. Might not look like it right now, but it really does get easier. There will be light.

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